Kids and Privacy
In an era when privacy is in short supply, how do we help kids understand that not everything needs to be shared? In a letter that appears in the March 2007 issue of Highlights in the recurring story "Ask Arizona," the author, Lissa Rovetch, provides an empathetic view of why kids sometimes want to keep things private.
Dear Arizona,
The other day when I was in my friend's room, I asked her about this box on her shelf. She said that the stuff inside was private. Don't you think that was rude of her not to show me? - Curious in Connecticut
Arizona's answer describes an experience that helps her realize that the person who is being secretive may not want to be judged. She may feel that her work or plans are not ready for peer or public scrutiny.
As parents, it's difficult to know when to pry and when to respect a child's privacy. It can be an incredibly hard call, which involves balancing outcomes. Kids who feel that their boundaries have been violated ("You read my diary!") may become distrustful and more secretive. On the other hand, a parent needs to know where kids are going and what they are up to. Establishing enough trust so that kids will confide important concerns and let you help them resolve dilemmas often means listening carefully, withholding immediate judgment, and being the kind of parent you would want to come to with your concerns, thoughts, and feelings.