Good-Byes: Marking the End of the School Year
By Istar Schwager, Ph.D.
For most kids, the end of the school year means saying lots of good-byes. Some of these are temporary, some more long-lasting. Endings are harder for some children than others. For instance, in Highlights magazine there's a letter from Marissa, who writes to say how much she misses her teacher. Most likely, your child has spent every school day for a year in the same classroom, with the same teacher, classmates, and familiar routines. Like Marissa, your child may also have developed a strong attachment to the teacher or made some close friends among his or her classmates. He or she has become an expert in that setting ... knowing the patterns of sunlight on the desks, just how loudly the door squeaks, and how each person will respond when attendance is called.
While children may happily anticipate the summer--and feel relief knowing that the things they didn't like about the year are over--there's still an underlying awareness that life will never be quite the same again. This may be especially true in schools large enough so that kids are unlikely to be placed with more than a few current classmates the following year. For children who are changing schools, or saying good-bye to friends who are moving, the good-byes may be particularly meaningful.
The many celebrations that mark the end of the school year keep everyone busy with plays, graduations, and stepping-up ceremonies. Families are often preoccupied with end-of-year projects and plans for the summer. The hubbub surrounding the end of a school year can sometimes ease the transition but may also distract kids from how it feels to say good-bye. It's important for parents to find ways to acknowledge, and even honor, the year-long bonds that their children formed during the many months of school.
A parent can help with end-of-year good-byes by encouraging kids to talk about their feelings--about what they'll remember and miss. Help your child write down some of the events that marked the year. What your child remembers most vividly may not be the big play or a major field trip, but a funny comment made by a classmate or the time the hamster escaped from his cage. Encourage your child to get addresses of classmates to be able to stay in touch. If possible, take some photos of classmates and teachers--and of the classroom--before displays are dismantled.
Not all kids experience the end of the school year in the same way. Some are totally focused on what's next; they're glad to move on. However, most children need some understanding that in moving on there may be a sense of loss for what was ... and that's okay.
Istar Schwager, Ph.D., is an educational psychologist, mom, and founder of Creative Parents, Inc., with the website creativeparents.com. She believes that as parents we need all the support we can get.