Setting Up Routines
By Istar Schwager, Ph.D.
A group of three-year-olds opened my eyes to the need for routines at a time when I prided myself on being a free spirit. It was my first day of teaching, years before becoming a mom. On the way indoors from the yard, the kids were veritable jumping beans. Overwhelmed by the mayhem, I begged my young charges to sit down on a step. Once they'd jostled themselves into a row, we sang a song. The next day, although I was ready to go directly to the classroom, the preschoolers weren't. To my surprise, they sat on the step, unprompted, waiting for a song. I realized that the children had just established a routine--one we followed for the rest of the year.
Most kids find routines comforting and even empowering. When you know what to expect, there's less uncertainty about what to do, and it becomes easier to focus on whatever is new or different in a situation. Adults, too, are creatures of habit. You've probably noticed that in meetings, grown-ups often take the same seats, time after time, even when they're not assigned.
Here are 12 suggestions to help you and your kids create your own routines for the new school year.
- Use the first weeks of the school year, when schedules are still in flux, to think about what routines are going to make most sense. Once bus routes, after-school programs, and other regular aspects of your family's day are set, use a calendar to strategize ways to make life run more smoothly and predictably for everyone. Be realistic about the routines you create. And be sure to build in enough time between activities. Don't forget that kids need downtime, too!
- When kids have a voice in designing routines, they are more likely to follow them. Establishing routines can be viewed as a problem-solving task, and can be discussed at a family meeting. Of course, you have the final word and can veto your children's suggestions--for instance, that every school day end at the ice-cream truck!
- Bulletin boards, posted calendars, and visible charts are great tools for making sure the whole family is "onboard" with routines. If kids aren't yet readers, draw pictures.
- Some of the day's activities that lend themselves to predictability are
- Waking Up--Set the alarm for the same time on school days.
- Washing Up and Dressing--Make sure kids know where to find clean clothes, and create some order for who gets the bathroom, and when.
- Eating Breakfast--Set a pattern for who makes breakfast and how or if the kids help clean up.
- Making and Taking Lunch--Designate a place for ingredients and make lunchbox packing and emptying into a regular task. You could have the kids help pack their lunches each night.
- Setting Out for the Day--Make sure your kids know when it's time to leave for school or daycare. For children who can't yet tell time, it's especially important to give a "five-minute signal" so they can wind down what they are doing in order to get ready to leave.
- Placing Items in Findable Places--Designate a place for items (backpack, sports gear, lunchbox, notes) to be taken to school. Many kids (and parents) benefit from keeping a written list near the door.
- Doing Homework--Establish a quiet place and time for your kids to do their homework. Help kids get into the practice of putting homework and other supplies back in their backpacks.
- Eating Dinner--It's great if the whole family can eat together at a set time. While this is not always possible (see dinnertime poll link below), do try to create a predictable hour for dinner and make it a pleasant time, away from homework, computer, and TV.
- Getting Ready for Bed--Bedtime routines are known to help kids get a good night's sleep. Develop a ritual (for instance, bath, then a story) that leads up to an established bedtime.
Some of us have an easier time creating and following routines than others. There are those for whom organizing the day comes naturally, while others have to make an effort. Children who are disorganized benefit enormously from structure. And kids who thrive on order find routines comforting. Routines needn't be rigid. Having clear benchmarks can actually allow for greater flexibility and spontaneity. And those who resist routines need to be reassured that routines can be reassessed and adjusted. We all feel more secure when we know what to expect.
Back-to-school marks new beginnings and a fresh start for all of us. That makes it a good time of year to establish some of those routines that we've promised ourselves to set in place but haven't gotten around to yet. At least that's my plan. (I'll just start with a few--the list is long.)
Here's to making this school year a productive, happy, and healthy one for you and your family.
To read what parents said about dinnertime in our HighlightsParents.com poll click here.